Two 911s to go please...

In Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, there is a burger chain called nine eleven.

 I’ll repeat that. 

There is a burger chain called 911 in Riyadh. 

I shit you not.

I didn’t even realise I was there until I was asked if I wanted a side of sauce with my meal – when the guy said “hot sauce, coleslaw or nine eleven?”

I stood still for a second just taking the offer in and wondering if the guy was making fun of the infamous date by offering me an extra hot sauce - and I was thinking smugly to myself the joke was on him because I’m not an American when suddenly I looked up and there was the sign overhead - 911 Burgers. 

Note that I wasn’t offered nine one one sauce, but nine eleven. 

I SHIT YOU NOT. 

There is a burger chain in Saudi Arabia called 911.

Okay, let me explain what happened next. When I had finished my burger (and a damn fine one it was too) I sat to my laptop and started researching the company because, of course, I wanted to know if they predated or post-dated the actual 911.

Why?

I dunno really. Perhaps having that knowledge would have better informed my opinion of them; perhaps I just had nothing better to do. Anyway I began looking but found nothing of any consequence so the truth is I am none the wiser but, to be honest, I have decided in my own mind that the company came after the event. I have decided that because it allows me to create a new menu for them to replace the existing one (which doesn’t follow through on the 911 theme) and which I can offer in exchange for some money to help me in my present financial crisis.

I mean, there is a certain sense of wicked fun behind such a name for a burger joint isn’t there. I half expected the guy behind the counter to ask if I wanted my burger flame-grilled or done with aviation fuel! And what was 911 sauce anyway? I was afraid to ask. My mind had me racing to concoctions of powdered light bulbs and pulverized cement dust. 

I had the coleslaw.

Okay, we’ll start with the basic selection of standard burgers to tickle your palate and your sense of bad taste:

• ·        The GW Bush Burger: (two burger buns with nothing in between)
• ·        The Van Halen Burger (might as well jump)
• ·        The Nick Cage Burger: (ground zero beef smothered in an avalanche of debris sauce)
• ·        The Giuliani Burger: (a burger with zero tolerance for the intestinal tract)
• ·        The Oliver Stone Burger: (so tasty it’s not true!)
• ·        The South Tower Burger: (stacked very high so eat it quickly!)
• ·        The North Tower Burger: (lower than the South but still unstable)
• ·        The Windows on the World Burger: (most expensive crap on the menu)
• ·        World Trade 7 Burger: (it falls over when the person at the table next to you touches his food)
• ·        The Ring a Rosie (yup – it all falls down)
• ·        The 911 Special: (8oz of prime beef in a tasty trampoline sauce)

Sides: Searing is our speciality so please ask!

• Seared French Fries
• Seared Onion lengths (formerly rings)
• Seared and squished fish portions
• Sear-fried chicken-wings on a prayer
• Seared meatballs (that taste like chicken)

And for desserts I suppose the obvious choices would be a stack of scorching pancakes…apple pie with melted ice-cream….death by chocolate….and my favorites, Waffles Allah Mode and Flight Commander Brownies.

Ouch!