Dear Bono,
Top of da mornin’ to ye me auld flower!
I hope this letter finds you and the boys well and happy and still accumulating. Jesus that Facebook investment of yours was bloody marvellous! You are much more than a singer songwriter we know. You are much more than an international ambassador for justice too. Your charitable acts will long outlive you. History will be very kind to you all. And so it should be.
Shure yeer a grate band so yeeare!
Now I’m not one to complain my dear Irish genius but what the hell were you thinking of with that Spiderman musical? I mean why didn’t you do more homework on that…maybe talk to Michael Flatley or something. And didn’t you hear any alarm bells the first time you heard the words Spiderman and Musical in the same breath? It’s not like you guys to make a boo boo so I was very surprised and disappointed with the whole debacle. Of course it takes nothing from your overall worth – it just dents the ego a bit.
Speaking of which, did you know that Freud once remarked that the Irish were impervious to psychoanalysis? Of course Freud was completely out of his own mind and only a really stupid person or a liar would make such a remark when the well-known truth is that the Irish are, in fact, impervious to bullshit and Freud, being a most accomplished bullshitter, didn’t wanna go that road and maybe embarrass himself by trying to psychoanalyze them and ending up with egg on his face.
Or would that have been his mother?
Hey you guys are worth more money than you could ever even count so what about throwing a lousy few grand my way and helping me to start up a little recording studio? I work part-time in a school for the blind and they have weekly music classes and I thought if they had a recording studio then I could record them all falling around and knocking cymbals over and then release the CD as an Indie-type thing and maybe make some money. Of course you guys would get your investment back in no time.
And this would only be the beginning because my ultimate goal is to create my own label, ‘Anorak Records’ and release special interest CD titles like ‘Narrow Gauge Trains from India’ and ‘High-Pitched Songs from Guantanamo Bay’ and poetry and prose – lots of recorded poetry and prose.
I want to record Steven Hawkins reading Jane Austen, Joan Rivers reading Sylvia Plath, Pamela Anderson reading Virginia Woolf, and so on. I also have this idea to produce an album by a band I discovered in a club in New Jersey a while back. They’re called Leather Pants and they’ve put all of Emily Dickinson’s poems to rock riffs. It’s really uplifting and spiritual once you get past the lyrics.
So whaddya think?
Give my best to the band and whenever you can please forward the money transfer number to me.
Sincerely,
Shamelesss McGinty
D’Oirish Projects
Manhattan
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